Behind the Costa front

Anticipation is building with just two weeks to departure.  The hat trick of mishap is completed in style with Ralph dislocating his left shoulder playing tag rugby.  Andy services once again required. Cankaholic A continues his rehab routes leading him back to the Cavehill. With a record red run descent of just 13mins… it appears everything working except the brakes.

 

A short admin meeting was uneventful until the revelation that behind Robert’s Costa coffee front was actually 10hrs a week training and employing a personal trainer… Money on she is a headturner professional gym bunny.  Simultaneously RG + A jaws hit the deck. With cashews replacing  chocolate… it's a serious effort / crisis … or is there more going on with Mr Eligible? 

The RK 2013 model boasts svelt, ripped and aerodynamic lines, improved power to weight ratio, faster 0-60, no spare tyres or airbags, and no tub of lard.

Bunny’s pics… show RK the powerhouse medic in stretcher training how very thoughtful... great to have him on our team. 

 

On that bombshell… goodnight.

RG

Contagious Canklitis

Namaste Amigos,

Another session of muck, sweat and muppetry. Contagious canklitis had now lamed Andrew, reluctantly he rerouted to Andy's treatment table leaving RG to survive Ralph Farah pace. Apprehension at the prospect of 5peaks and 6hrs was compounded by 30yrd visability and significant wind... internally and externally. We strode out of Meelmore Lodge 7.50am. Within five minutes we are struggling to pick up trails lines... eventally stumbled on Trassey track and made Hare's gap in an acceptable 30mins.

First slug of fluids and RG realised he was carrying old and well fermented 'cider'... every chance TTRG would be sozzled and unfit to drive home... and so the scene was set for yet another pantomime on the hills featuring the ugly sisters.

Sticking tight to the wall up the brutally steep Bearnagh before bracing for RGs nemisis and Ralphs roller coaster... the Banzai descent. Starting slow, RG got slower as self preservation and a gusting wind threatened to cowp him at every step. Mountain goat Ralph found conditions 'fun'. You could smell RGs relief on a safe descent. Motorway on top of the wall in that wind was impossible but R kept RG in the red zone with a 'farah' pace over Mellmore and Meelbeg before RG took a bearing for BenCrom dam. 

R pulled a good line into the bog to the river. 'Cleaner than usual, deeper than usual and a snow bridge to boot'. As we began to enjoy the river run suddenly it plummetted into a deep ravine... had last months ice age cut a new valley?...or were we lost... again. Waldorf and Stadler had not spotted the cleaner and deeper clues above. A quick map check confirmed we were about to hit the dam from the wrong side... affectionately known as the thumb breaker. RG's 7th visit to the Ben Crom bog... muppets never learn.  

 

The line to recovery was a steep boulder field (pictured on far side of the water) It was no place for a butchers dog, a recovering cankaholic... in fact it was no place for a chamois or sherpa goats. Losing 45mins on the recovery scramble we finally made the dam. Good call A to miss this one.

Relief to be on familiar ground was short lived as we heard and saw through the cloud a silouette of the mournes stone monster swinging his sledge hammer... very Scooby Doo. Daphne and Velma scrambled up more elusive trails to the saddle. Drop the bags? said Daphne (in a non suggestive manner)... was almost as ridiculous as RG's 'let me take a bearing farce'.

 

Lost on Binian was in well underway... until we spotted a trail dropped from the heavens... one tonne builders bags... courtesy of mourne council track upgrade. The mystery was solved as we passed 'old man smithers' and his mangey dog heading for... the track machine high on Binian... with legs plastered and brain hammered RG attempted some joy riding.

Summited Binian, a quick slash had RG peeing all over himself regardless of which direction he pointed percy in the swirling breeze. Careful retracing... passing the pancake rocks put R on a lunch overdrive mission to Mauds. Lamagan was its usual unpleasant upward abyss.

 

Homeward bound we contoured round looking for another non-existent trail... dropping into who knows where we took another stab in the cloud praying for brandy pad. A gloomy unrecognisable valley could have been the foggy side of moon or as R suggested the Annalong valley... at which point RG's already suspect navigation was just in tatters. A brief clearing of cloud was enough for R to pick a line for a snowpacked gully beside the sea of tranquility and we staggered onto the most welcome brandy pad. Steady trot to Haresgap where Ralph let the brakes off took 300yrds out of RG before Trassey. With cloud lifting we found a good trail to the lodge and kept an honest pace to the car.

Mauds for grub and hangover cure. Tale of the GPS tape was evidence to convict RG of navigation genocide... who even got lost looking for the toilet. 5hr35min 15miles 5 peaks barely setting foot on a trail. Thanks to Ralph for his commitment to training us. Hoping to have A back with us for the next installment. RK maintains his intensive coffee shop regime.  

Kindest regards

RG

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6peaks....aye right

Hi Folks

Barely moving after yesterdays training. Spring time in Northern Ireland meant four foot drifts, a disappearing Mourne wall, 25yrds of visability, unfamiliar land shape and colour... RG was a cert to get lost.

Ralph was gutted to be missing today leaving Andrew and RG to hit the hills. A duff forecast threatened a reroute to the Causeway for predictable trails and mileage. Exec decision 'stick with plan A'... six peaks 16miles 6hrs...aye right.

 

Like heifers on fresh grass the Passat was released from its ice cave hibernation we B lined for Newcastle. 8.01am we strode out on trail. Would the kit and bodies hold up? With a track upgrade we made good speed up the Glen river heading for Donard. At 400m we crossed the snow line and into Siberia. Snow and ice hiding the track and river quickly had RG + A sprackling.

 

Dumped the rucksacks at the saddle for a final summit push. Step up, fall in or slide back made it heavy work. Rain turned to snow, RG feared a stroke as the right side of face and brain numbed.

The summit looked akin to spectacular frozen candifloss. Snow holes pointed to other eedjits had been here. A + RG claimed the highest summit in Northern Ireland thanks to the additional 10 foot of snow. Mr Tumble descended to saddle with a hat-trick of falls leaving RG tip-toeing over ski, sledge and crampon tracks.

Commedagh was more of the same. Six peaks was looking like a multiday trek. Crossing the wall things changed... the snow got deeper and human tracks disappeared. 

 

 

Fumbling for direction the next mile took 54mins. The blog nearly became an epitaph as both RG +A similtaneously disappeared into a river and the waist deep snow. Wet numb toes had us looking like two big legless jinnys on stilettos.

 

'The brandypad used to be about here' as RG called for a left turn....exit stategy was now priority. Nothing looked familiar, as we crossed snow filled gullies the drop below into the white abyss was a Commedagh version of the Kangshung face... sure feet needed here. Each step was a lottery drop into ankle, knee or waist. Ice age visions of RG + A lost and frozen below the crust. Finally we saw the cross... rails of the stile. Six peaks ambitions were revised to dry clothes and hot sweet tea.

Descending the Glen river we left the snow behind, got out of the wind and suddenly life returned. A was just relieved to see mudclaws had not fallen off his numb feet. As we dropped to the forest RG suggested a few extra miles through Tollymore. The rain increased it felt like a warm shower. Legs were spent as we turned for home. A graciously let RG walk a few hills home. Hadn't seen a sinner all day... until a herd of lady ramblers met us average age 70+... respect. A final descent of wet roots on shattered unresposive legs was like a deathrun.

Unbelievably A was dry..the montane kit was renamed ronseal. RGs indecent exposure was unremarkable...his wedding vegetables had long since gone in for heat. Mauds for tea and stew and still RGs fingers were not looking too clever.

 

 

Text received to inform us Mournes had been declared an avalanche risk and no go zone for all Duke of Edinburgh work for next seven days... such info might have been useful and we considered a reroute.  

2 peaks 17miles 4hrs30mins...and it feels like it.

Kindest regards

RG

Namaste Snowmen...

Delighted to have survived a wintery lap of the Cavey. Three weeks since cankling myself.

Rehab report
'Rehab is for quitters' as brother Monty reminded me.
Most grateful for Andys advice. Alternative training has ranged from bizarre ninja balancing, jogging on the nursey slopes avec mon baggette. After week at 1800m with a stunning view of Mt Blanc I was itching to get back running.
House completely snowbound. Lane full of snow.. passat hibernation for the next four weeks. Nephews kindly helped us to break trail over four fields to get to house. Using kids plastic sledges to manhaul luggage, groceries, and rubbish in and out...bit of craic but such a hassle.
 

My gentle return to running planned for Ballyboley forest became a 45 min stepper work out in two foot of snow... cankle was well iced and so were my hips as headed off trail and fell into a sheugh. I now seek forgiveness from the mother superior of trail runners as I was seen running.... on a treadmill... I have not succumbed to dreaded tarmac yet.

Inspired by Ralph's Divis mountain run where he inadvertantly ran over the roofs of two snow burried cars it was time to get up and at it.

Between the sick, the lame and the coffee shop a depleted team was summonsed to Belfast castle. Pastoral visit as RG called with big G... great to see him out in his shed MOT prepping a car... hope to see him out with us in the future.

Five copies of the Irish News...hilarious to see Roberts neb on pg32. Humble apologies to A + RK being relegated to the Vauxhall conference of healthcare professionals... aka dentists. Delighted Michael PR is widening Stand by Me audience via this wee project.

A was a late withdrawl due to work hassle...left R and RG who was going with full kit test of shorts, lycra+leggings. Just a canklet now which RG attributed to an allergic reaction to last nights treadmill shame. 100yrds in and we hit 'nam'... track littered with fallen trees, huge ones uprooted under weight of recent snow. Blood hound R was over trunks, under boughs, through folliage with the allure of snowy trails. Packed crisp snow under torchlight was great fun.

'Time to test the ankle' as RG called the route over stile. With no trail visible we made a best guess through the crust... heavy going in places... we made the transmitter mast. R's scorching descent left RG for dead. Next climb no sign of sherpa feet as were both into knees and even a tumble for mountain goat R. RG wheezed up the hill... to find R with his 'Godsent' taxi...we knew it was for R as it was a tasty choc coated wafer. The taxi RG ordered was motorised... preferably with an orthopaedic bed and oxygen... that would be an ambulance then.

Cracker night view from McArts. RG declined the red for the longer but safer track home. Hard packed with a few steeple chase snow drifts kept R amused. RG thought it and R said it 'not sure what Andy would say about this for a cankle rahab route'. 'A wiff of sheep?', suggested RG, as he was cagey on the descent.

Orange eyes startled R...a gruffalo?... no it was one of the cavehills wild horses. Mistaking horses for other animals seems to be flavour of this months burgers. A solid pace to home. Delighted to report no drama but plenty of interest on tonights run. 4.7miles 71minutes... no records. Great to be out running together again.     

A later than usual start ...

With RG continuing rehab (on the ski slopes…) from his career-threatening ankle injury, and RK maintaining an admirable loyalty to his coffee shop training routine (oh, and the daily visits to the gym!!), the average age was halved as R and A took to the Cavehill.

A later than usual start ensured that, despite the "great stretch in the evenings" these days, head torches and reflective gear were essential as the young pups started out for the snow-capped peak.

Ambitious goals were set for the night - the main one being to remain upright at all times, on a track that in numerous spots resembled parts of the Total Wipeout course! (Minus those enormous greasy spheres that every contestant comes a cropper on - obviously….)

Job interviews, R's new wheels and bank holiday training runs covered, the conversation tailed off with the increasing gradient. Once above the tree line and past the caves, the push was on to the stile, R leading the way with his usual consummate ease. The formation of a new gravel track (sacrilege to some!) helped in the pursuit of an historic first - for us anyway! - continuous running from carpark to summit. From there it was off to the stile - the "recovery route" in reverse. But for the crazy rabbits and some even crazier mountain bikers the track would have been invisible, and with each stride into snow and ice-cold water the feet became more and more numb. A fast descent from the stile back down the gravel path took us to the caves from where, in the faint head torch light we could just make out our next monstrous challenge - the Black Run…. Uphill.

It started at a run, slowed to a jog and for A, at least, quickly became a painful walk with calf explosion imminent.  R seemed to skip, nay dance to the summit, later admitting that he "may have walked in a couple of spots".  In any case McArt's fort was once again reached and stunning views across the city enjoyed briefly before the descent began.

Down the red we went with Mudclaws and Talons working overtime to keep their respective owners upright on a treacherous descent - "the worst yet" R was heard to cry (quite a claim!).  R managed to stay upright despite resembling a contestant on Dancing on Ice at times, while A lost it on one bend.  Full face plant looked on the cards but somehow was avoided with a "knee slide" that bore an uncanny resemblance to a certain post-goal celebration Steven Gerard……….

The carpark was reached without further incident and a new descent record (for some of us!) of 17mins set.

Great night, great craic and, thanks to the wonders of hot water, limbs and feet have finally thawed!!

(If you would like to leave the team any comments you can do so by clicking 'comments' below).

Numb below the shin.

Namaste Folks.

Numb below the shin.

Thanks to Andy's recovery regime, staff reckon I have lost it. One leg balancing is attracting storky RG or a senile Karate kid thoughts.

As for squatting in a bucket surrounded by ice... how very Nepali. Reminded of Monty's 2008 sismic movement with a high altitude evacuation on the Mera Peak glacier resulting in a remapping the Himalayas to include the new giant Makapoo.

Today things have progressed to an outbreak of blue toe. Cankle is subsiding and not progressed to thankle as Andy quipped yesterday. Saturday's review with our team psychic... will doubtless have me doing further bizarre activities next week.

Cankles : where calfs run untapered into fat ankles... not a great look.

Namaste Folks

Cankles : where calfs run untapered into fat ankles... not a great look.

Buoyed by reports of RK hitting the trails on Cavehill... or have Costa opened a shop on McArts? A prompt start we were Mournes bound for our first longer session. Muppetry started as RG hit the west link rounded Carlisle Circus and retracked braving the non rush hour stampede. Andrew graciously overlooked the navigation debacle. 10mins early at Carryduff and Ralph was still ahead of us.

 

Plenty of new kit on display with the montane minumus men (A+RG) both sporting new backpacks. Good work as we struck out on trail at 8.03am. 10 dry days winter vegetation, we have never seen better trails. Hare's gap was in sight 29mins as we crossed the snowline. Steady up Bearnagh onto the permafrost... 'backside may need care' R+RG commented. A cough reminded us of his brush with last week’s flu... real flu, but moving well we summitted 7mins ahead of schedule.

RG recounted the legend that is now Ninja Ralphs banzai headband and his kamikaze Bearnagh descent 2011. Resulting in RG ten toes up eyes on stalks in the afterwash. RG/Baldrick plan was for Ninja R to stop below for some video footage of the Montane men (MM)  descending. With sticks a flurry RG started like a granny knitting, foolishly began to gain confidence on the double black diamond, tacked in for a showboat video moment... until a nasty roll of the left ankle. (attached not for the squeamish) 'Looked sore' was R comment...no reply RGs guts were in his mouth. Much to learn from our grandstanding master..big Garthy.

A cut a good safe line to the bottom. Roving reporter Ralph stowed the outside broadcast unit and still hit the col 50yards ahead of us...how does he do that. Two jelly babies and Mr Bump plaster and on we went.

 
MM motorwayed up on the wall to the Meelmore icehouse. Biting cold pushed us across the wall heading for Meelbeg. RG moving like a big Jessie lost 75yrds to the happy valley col before engaging low box, dif lock, twin stick drive and rallyed up Meelbeg...now whose sticks look daft?

Sticks swapped to A for a test drive. R sniffed out a perfect line to the river. A minor ankle roll in the soft followed by 2 bigger rolls on the rocks left RG 100yrds adrift and air blue with some unprintable words. Mint conditions, the green light read +5mins and R+A were into a Kenyan rhythm...what a bummer. R+A spotted RG floundering more than usual. Dr A opened the tardis first aid kit. Brufen od,Crep + elastoplast strapping and RG was uprightish. Sticks became crutches...the lengths folks go to get their toys back. Bail out strategy agreed and blood hound Ralph had us heading for the jolly green passat.
 

Fascinating chat about helicopter rescue docs in Oz. Our 4hr day became 3. Good to all get safely back. 'Jangbu' hot choc and currant slab helped revive before hitting Mauds for IV Panini + caffeine. New kit worked well. Expecting R to join the montane minimus men soon.  Missed call from Andy while out on the hill... freaky... was he watching Ralph’s video nasty?

RG met Andy at Maxol station for a boot of the car consultation late afternoon. Just fantastic to have such expertise with the team.

I email with my left cankle submerged in icewater...much to my colleagues amusement. The MEM today seems like an even bigger ask. Yesterday was good training 8.6miles 3hrs 3mins+a good teamwork learning experience...thanks to A+R+A for patience and help.

Kindest regards

 

RG